Ladies, what happens next when you find out you were the side chick…
We live in a society where the fetishization of being the side chick is at an all-time high and the women that conform to it do not care. So, they continue on being the mashed potato beside your Filet Mignon. Comfortable as the mashed potatoes and satisfied with being on the plate so long as the gravy was being poured.
Me however, I am about to go off. (not-so subliminally)
Being that we have enough going on in our worlds, deep conversation with a situation isn’t too common. In my attempt at doing so I was met with hostility, “well, we don’t speak much anyway, so why now?” In that moment I realized the friend part of Friends with Benefits doesn’t exist. I backed off.
When we’d bump into each other out and about I would spot him first and make sure to steer clear. Until that one time when I was entering a door he was exiting and was forced into a half hug.
In the times in which I did not see him at all, he would spot me and made sure to send me a text later in the evening. A ‘wya’ or ‘wyd’ or two heart eye emojis, just a few simple words that all mean- I’m trying to fuck. The correct responses were: ‘In my bed with my legs closed like a good Christian woman’, ‘Minding my business’, and ‘Thanks’. I wanted him to understand that, I am indefinitely unavailable to him.
Most contact was kept strictly via social media, aka Snapchat. Ya’ll know what that’s for right? Out of nowhere, he tried me again.
After declining the dick pic. Less than twenty-four hours later he posted a shout out to what may or may not be his girlfriend. The status began with “I can’t believe it has been a year”.
I didn’t read much after that, I simply scrolled through the photos and realized he hadn’t been out of the country alone exploring as he pretended when conversing with me, and then I read the comments.
Because as women, unfortunately, we are forced to be part detective. From this I concluded, he had hoed me far worse than I thought. He had made me an unwilling side chick.
Single and Free. Someone that had prided on being the Filet Mignon, when taken, was some damned Mashed Potatoes.
Where am I going with this?
To be honest I had no idea, and just like you I went and asked- What do you do? I text the first person that came to mind: “YOOOOOOOOOOO! Accompanied by three screenshots” I watched the three dots in the bubble form on the page. Her response: “Niggas ain’t shiiiiiiiit.” I proceeded to tell her how bad I felt and that the situation I found myself in was foul. That I would be in my right mind to slide in her dm’s with the “Woman to woman…”
But, My friend shared that it would be in everyone’s best interest for me to fade to black. I text another friend, and she gave me similar advice- you never know how someone would receive information about a cheating spouse and you don’t have to see either of them anyway. I mean, do you even know her? No.
I took their advice.
Still, I felt some type of way about him feeling as though he had this much game to pull some shit like this. Especially with me. How disrespectful. How toxic. How disgusting!
In lieu of this I stayed away from any place that I felt or knew he would be, which pretty much meant everything in the city that I enjoyed. Until one night I linked up with friends and went out. The moment I separated from the fellas and stood near my girlfriend, the woman from the shout out approached her. I fell back against the wall and sipped my drink sideways. My friend, looked back at me and bid the woman goodbye. She inquired about my weird reaction.
I made my way towards the door and she stopped me. We sat at two bar stools and I let her know why I needed to leave.
The following weekend, my sis came to town to get her hair done and of course we played catch-up. In this I had to tell her about this situation as well and having known me the longest, I knew what she would say. And she said it, “What would you want the other woman to do?”
In my previous case(s) the other women already knew they were the Mashed Potatoes so I never expected any of them to contact me ‘woman to woman’ because they weren’t women.
Just Mashed Potat-hoes.
My sis was right but I knew I could not and would not ever have this conversation with that woman. Why ruin someone else’s happiness? My only issue was with him. Making me into a side. And,
having the audacity to put another woman in the position where she would make decisions for her future, not knowing about the ugly present and/or past.
Previous, I was not afforded the information I needed that would have granted me the knowledge to make informed decisions. A life built on lies.
This is what haunted me.
My lips being sealed.
Concealing the information that may help another woman make her own informed decision.
My throat had been achy and my spiritual advisor told me to eat some food to assist. Another burden on me since I chose to hold my tongue. My pastor told me to pray for the man and the woman and I did, for her.
Ladies in The League, it is imperative that these situations are discussed. We all know somebody, that knows somebody that, knows somebody. The ugly truth always come to light and so long as you’re on the up & up, stay strong!
Ladies that have posed the question, What do you do? Do what’s best in your situation, if you know the woman, break it down for her, if you don’t and you don’t feel comfortable speaking: drop subliminals (lol) and/or pray.
A week or so goes by and I receive a text from an unknown number.
The last message received was two heart eyes. I knew who it was. I didn’t respond. The text read, “Are we not good?” well sir, this is your answer:
F*ck you dickhead!
Stay woke, Stay strong, Stay tuned #TheLeague